Gratitude is truly a powerful way of being. Transformative. But for some of us, it can also be tough to access at times. Here are some strategies to help turn things around.
Gratitude gets all the glory. And for good reason. Study after study boasts the positive benefits of gratitude. But, if you are like me, gratitude can feel really tough to access sometimes. And the barrier to gratitude is not always as obvious as one might think.
About 2 years ago I had a striking moment of realization. I'd just woken up and was preparing to get into the shower. I remember trying to "talk myself into feeling gratitude". It was NOT working. "WTF is up with me", I wondered to myself. "At least I woke up this morning."
"I should be grateful, right?"
Nothing. In fact, what I felt was this slight sensation of contraction in my heart.
"What was that about?"
"Ty, why would you have a negative response to the question?"
"Why wouldn't you be grateful to wake up in the morning?"
My thoughts were coming in rapid succession. I was legitimately concerned. How can an advocate of gratitude, a practitioner of peace and love and wellness NOT be overflowing with positive emotions around the idea of waking up in the morning?
Fast forward a week or so and I was sitting on the couch in my therapist's office.
"I need to talk to you about something. It's going to sound odd, but I swear I'm not thinking of self harm or suicide. However, I am deeply confused."
As usual, he was attentive, warm and receptive. He listened to me recount my bathroom WTF experience and then brought forward a series of questions. After some time I came to realize a few things.
I wasn't alone in having these sorts of thoughts.
However, they ARE important to dive into deeper.
My own self-criticism and unrealistic expectations were my personal barrier to gratitude.
Let's talk more about that last one. What I realized, during my time in his office, and in my own self-reflection later, was that I was flooding myself with feelings of self-doubt, self-criticism, and unrealistic expectations. What type of wife I felt I should be, how to run a "successful" business, how grateful I SHOULD BE, to get to do this work that I loved. All of these were working in opposition to the gratitude I wanted to be feeling. We talked a little about what it might mean to more consciously challenge those thoughts. We talked about how to approach myself with more kindness and compassion. To find things I did simply for the joy of them, or to be aware of things that were already bringing me moments of joy. I took another important step.
I declared my intention word for the year. I spent time looking it up. Writing out my own definition for it. Asking myself how would I know when I was living with that intention consistently, AND I created several representations of my intention word. The word was OPTIMISM. And I can barely put into words how things shifted for me after that. Optimism for me was anchored in Trust, Confidence, Faith, and Patience. When I started to shift my attention toward these ideas, the pressure I was putting on myself started to lift. I started looking forward to my days and all the amazing things I was getting to do. I attended to myself with more care and compassion, and I truly found gratitude.
Your story, your barriers, and your action steps are likely different from mine. But still, the steps that you take to create a positive shift COULD be very similar. Check out the highlights below!
Build a practice of awareness. Notice when your mind and body are giving you helpful insights.
Identify YOUR personal barrier. For me, my personal barrier to gratitude was self-criticism and self-doubt.
Process your thoughts and feelings in a healthy environment. A licensed therapist or certified coach could be a valuable resource. You can also utilize your own tools and strategies such as journaling.
Identify some action steps that can help you move in the direction you want to go.
Execute - one step at a time.
If you'd like to explore other relevant techniques for building a gratitude practice, check out my other post!
If you are interested in creating an intention word with a digital vision board, join me Saturday!
Namaste…
Tian
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