Creating Space to Notice When the Fight Fades

Leading With VOICCE® Series.

I remember what it felt like to fight hard for what I believed in. Not in a way that lacked tact, but in a way that showed I’d given real thought to real pain. I remember asking for time on my leader’s, or even my skip leader’s calendar, and asking if I could share thoughts.

And then, years later, I remember what it felt like to simply - stop. We were in a performance and career planning conversation. He asked, “Do you have any questions for me?”

“No, but thank you.” Simple, polite and to the point. I didn’t. I had no questions, no convictions, no drive or urge to “make things better.”

That’s when I knew. The fight was over.

It’s not the leaders vocalizing their frustrations that should concern us.

Think about the leader who has always had a point of view, a position, or a perspective. Then one day, they simply don’t.

Not in the meeting. Not in the meeting after the meeting. Not in the weekly 1:1.

Something has shifted. For some leaders who carry a lot, the shift is much quieter. The urge to contribute may wane. The fight fades, and somewhere they may be asking, “Is it even worth it?”

Many leaders may assume it’s just an off day. But what’s the cost of not checking in?

The question is - who’s paying attention? And what do you assume is happening?

Start with two questions. Ask them in a real conversation, not a check-in form:

What used to energize you about this work? What’s taking up the most mental space right now?

Then comes the part that matters most. Listen first. Don’t fix, defend, or promise in the moment. Pick one thing within your control and act on it within two weeks, then tell them what you did. If there’s something you can’t change, say so honestly. Sincere will take you further than a promise you can’t keep. And ask again. One conversation can read as a box checked. The second is where trust starts to rebuild.

If you hear the same answer more than once, or from more than one leader, it’s no longer an individual issue. It’s an organizational signal. What support could you put in place before the next leader goes quiet?

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Tian Philson - Leadership Transformation & Decision-Making Coach | Creator of the VOICCE® Decision Making & Empowerment Framework | Helping leaders go inward so they can go upward.