Creating Space … To Release the Weight of Expectation

Leading With VOICCE® Series.

"I should step in."

I can't remember the first time these words crept into my mind, into my heart, and into my spirit. But they show up often. I had a meeting yesterday. We were just a few minutes into the meeting. We'd shaken hands and exchanged polite smiles. And then it felt like all eyes were on me.

"Oh - perhaps they want me to kick us off." And so I did. 

Did I need to step in? Were they really waiting for me to start? I honestly don't know. But stepping in has been my default for as long as I can remember. 

Kicking off a meeting is pretty low stakes. However, I've felt the same urge, the same internalized expectation when it felt like "you know what" was about to hit the fan.

"You exude so much calm under pressure." What I imagine is meant as a compliment, also sometimes feels like an unspoken call to action. "We're stuck. What should we do?" And so I have stepped in. 

The more I've noticed this tendency to step in, the more I've learned to sit with it just a little longer. Check out last week's article for more reflection there. This week, I am interested in exploring the hidden cost. 

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How does being the "go-to person", "the strong one" serve us? And what's the cost?

There were times in my leadership, by choice or by default, I stepped in. And almost every time, I absorbed more than I needed to. I built an expectation with others, and of myself. I can handle it. 

What's funny is - "I can handle it" sometimes felt like a source of pride. It was evidence of strength and of my capacity to carry "it". However, it also became a coping mechanism - "I can handle it ... even if it's not mine to carry." 

During those times, my boundaries felt blurry. There were times I felt taken for granted, even if not on purpose. There were times I felt like I was carrying the weight - and the risk of failure, on my own. It felt isolating. And sometimes that feeling of isolation turned to resentment. 

Other times it turned to anxiety. "What if I can't?" 

With a bit of deep work and honest reflection, I've learned to ask - Is this mine to carry?

I've also practiced pausing - giving space for others to step in. 

Finally, I've practiced building boundaries and learning to ask for help. 

Each of these moments requires several steps: Pause, Notice, Respond.

Being the “go-to person” has served me well. It has built trust. It has built influence. It has built a reputation for steadiness.

But it has also built expectation.

And expectation has a way of quietly becoming weight.

The cost isn’t always dramatic. It’s not always burnout or breakdown. Sometimes it just builds a pattern of small sacrifice. 

In any case, it deserves to be acknowledged. From there, we all have permission to choose our response. 

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The Practice

The next time you feel put on the spot - pause. Notice the internal dialogue. 

Ask: Is this mine to carry?

If it is, decide how you want to carry it. Do you need more information? More time? More support? Carrying it well does not mean carrying it alone.

If it is not, consider what it would look like to redirect the responsibility without guilt, and without over-explaining.

Not every silence requires your voice. Not every problem requires your intervention.

This is called practice for a reason. Explore it, and let it evolve. And if I can ever support you or your team on the journey, I am just a short message away. 

Thank you for your presence. I am so excited to continue this journey of Leading with VOICCE® with you!

With gratitude, Tian.

Tian Philson Leadership, Wellness & Mindset Coach | Creator of the VOICCE® Decision Making & Empowerment Framework | Helping leaders go inward so they can go upward.