Creating Space… For Grounded Leadership in Times of Change

Leading With VOICCE® Series.

I once had a people leader who cried - a lot. I've thought about it quite a bit. However, I've been hesitant to talk about it. I never want someone to stumble across anything that I write and feel bad. Regardless if it's the person I am reflecting on, someone who thinks I'm referring to them, or someone who simply sees themself in the story. That is never my intention.

I've often considered:

• What were those tears really about?

• How did they impact our team's response?

• How did they shape my leadership?

• What have I learned since then?

What were the tears really about?

I've built a lot of perspective since that time. So the truth is, I honestly don't know what the tears were truly about. I wish I'd probed better back then. However, I've built many relationships and learned to lead with a lot more empathy than I did in the earlier days of my career, and here's what I've observed. The tears are seldom about the actual thing happening in the moment. They're often about the fear that looms around whatever is actually happening.

"How will this mistake make me look?"

"How will I spare my team from the worst of the impact with this latest update?"

"What if I don't have what it takes to overcome this situation?"

The more conversations that I've had, the more that I've learned that leaders are often most consumed by the things they can't control or can't clearly anticipate an outcome around. This uncertainty drives overwhelm, and sometimes that overwhelm leads to emotion, and some of us express overwhelming emotion through tears.

How did those tears impact our team?

Truthfully, we walked on eggshells. Few people want to be the cause of another person's distress. We found that if we pushed back on a new policy, were critical in our feedback, or simply disagreed with a directive, the tears would threaten to overflow. No one wants that.

Looking back, I don't think anyone was to blame. However, it did lead to some very challenging working dynamics. At a minimum, communication was compromised, and things that needed to be addressed often got swept under the rug. For us, it just didn't feel worth it. I think we were all dealing with dynamics that we didn't feel equipped to navigate at the time.

How did they shape my leadership?

I had a very firm "never, never, never cry at work" rule. And I stuck to it like my life depended on it. But here's the funny thing - that didn't mean that my emotional overwhelm didn't show up in other ways. Just because I refused to cry doesn't mean that I didn't become incredibly defensive at times. Or that I didn't internalize my frustrations in a way that led to impulsive decisions or poorly handled conversations. And let's not get into the chronic stress. Just because we find a coping mechanism doesn't mean we have found healthy ways to cope.

But here's where things shifted.

At some point, I found an anchor.

When I made a mistake, I found a way to remember my strengths.

When I didn't agree with yet another new corporate shift, I found ways to communicate both with my team and my leadership with integrity (one of my core values)

When I doubted my own leadership, I reminded myself of the evidence of clear and confident leadership.

Each of those became my anchors, my roots.

And I've seen some of those very same practices show up amongst other leaders I admire as well.

What have I learned since then?

There is no such thing as a perfect leader. We've all had moments we wish we could rewind and do over. Even the most capable leaders will have moments where they feel weak, doubtful, or unsure. However, here's what sets strong leaders apart. They root into something that helps them feel steady. Especially in times of change or uncertainty.

Individual and Team Strengths: As leaders, we don't have to do it all alone. However, we do need to understand where our strengths shine, and when we need to lean on other resources.

Clarity in Communication: Communication is critical in all relationships, and leaders set the tone. How you communicate with your team will be reflected in how your team communicates back with you. If you seek truth and transparency, it is necessary to show up with honesty and openness, and to hold space for the same.

Values-Aligned Decision Making: Values sit at the core of every decision we make. The organization's values shape its' identity, but it doesn't stop there. Leaders' personal values shape the culture. How connected are you to your own value set?

One of the core questions we focus on in the work I do with leaders is: "How do I respond under pressure, and is it an accurate reflection of my identity?

How might our leadership impact shift if we all paused to ask and check in, and strengthen our roots, just a little more? 

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Thank you for your presence. I am so excited to continue this journey of Leading with VOICCE® with you!

With gratitude, Tian.

Tian Philson Leadership, Wellness & Mindset Coach | Creator of the VOICCE® Decision Making & Empowerment Framework | Helping leaders go inward so they can go upward.