Creating Space … For Sustainable Leadership

Leading With VOICCE® Series.

Although this article is written from a woman's perspective, make no mistake, it is for ALL of us. Let's take a moment to explore the reality, how to recognize the signs, and finally - WHAT to do about it. 

For obvious reasons, this topic is near and dear to my heart. But let's go beyond the obvious for a moment. The role women play at work and at home tends to carry a higher emotional load. That's not just my opinion - there is evidence to support it. 

Female leaders often carry “invisible work” - mentoring, emotional support, DEI advocacy - that’s vital but undervalued. Harvard Business Review 2022

Women tend to carry a heavier load - scheduling appointments, arranging pickups, and communicating updates to everyone else - and that's just at home. In the workplace, there is an added load of invisible work, with a heavier burden of proving our worth. 

The World Health Organization (WHO) has called stress the "health epidemic of the 21st century". By now, we all understand the impact of stress on our health and our relationships. What happens in our workplaces and homes when this disparity goes unchecked for our women leaders? We all suffer.

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When Perception IS Reality

The term “stress” is an umbrella term representing experiences in which the environmental demands of a situation outweigh the individual’s perceived psychological and physiological ability to cope with it effectively (1). 

The key word I want to emphasize here is perceived. 

We all respond to stress differently based on how we interpret the world around us. The good news is that we have the ability to challenge and reframe our own perceptions. The bad news is that we often make the mistake of assuming others experience the world the same as we do.

From a young age, social norms often condition women to "read the room", anticipate the needs of others, and push harder so that others recognize our value. This can distort how we perceive our own stress - normalizing exhaustion, or causing us to believe "this is just the way it is." Meanwhile, others may not experience, or even notice, those same pressures. This is how two people can experience the same environment, yet live in two entirely different realities.

These factors often lead us to misjudge what's really impacting our colleagues or the teams we lead. The truth is, we are all operating in our own reality, and without awareness and a clear strategy, one person's perception is creating the reality they're living in, while your own perception shapes yours. This can lead to missed signs of burnout or disengagement.

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Know the Signs

While stress looks different for each of us, there are patterns we can learn to recognize. From subtle shifts in energy and motivation to difficulty maintaining focus or changes in sleep patterns. As women, these signs get overlooked - by ourselves, and by others - because maximum exertion and a high-performance culture have been normalized. Again, we collectively tend to default to "this is just the way it is." Here are a few signs to notice:

• You feel guilty for craving rest, and the urge to slow down feels like a personal failure.

• Things that tend to bring you joy now cause aggravation and irritability.

• You over-commit, saying yes to things, and then feeling quiet resentment boiling within.

• You wake up tired, despite spending a reasonable (6-8 hours) amount of time in bed.

If you are reading this, and it feels like you are failing - PAUSE. You are not. This is so common it's truly not even funny at this point. You are human; and there is hope. Awareness is key, so give yourself credit for even choosing to explore a new path forward. Stay with me - I have a few practices you can try to reclaim agency.

If you think a team member may be struggling, and who isn't - at this point, here are a few signs to notice. 

• Communication has shifted - it feels flat, rushed, or delayed.

• You sense a distance - someone may be physically present, but not actually "there".

• You have witnessed a shift in emotional response - defensiveness, irritability, tears.

It's important not to assume, label, or diagnose. Before jumping to conclusions or jumping into action, invite curiosity and compassion. The most powerful thing we can do as leaders is to simply hold space for others to feel seen and safe. There are many ways you can proceed. Here is an approach I have found helpful. 

Use your VOICCE℠

I created this tool to not only support how we lead our teams, but also how we lead ourselves. This framework provides a repeatable tool for identifying, assessing, and taking intentional action in a variety of personal and professional scenarios

• Vision: Re-anchor in clear expectations. Ask: What is my role, and how do I want to show up in this moment?

• Options: Redefine what is possible. Ask: What tools or resources am I not considering?

• Insight: Leverage credible input (internal or external). Ask: What are the facts of this situation?

• Choice: Prioritize just one next step. Ask: How can I move forward with integrity? 

• Commitment: Create accountability. Ask: Who can help support me in this next step?

• Execution: Check In. Ask: How will I measure my progress?

Although this VOICCE℠ guide is primarily written for the individual experiencing stress or burnout, with just a few slight tweaks in language, any leader can use it to support their team member or colleague. 

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Does this resonate? If so, stay tuned, and if you’re ready to support your teams with more intention and clarity, I am hosting an exclusive Executive Roundtable for HR Professionals and those supporting People Leaders. Join me on October 22 for - Executive Roundtable: What People Leaders Wish They Could Tell You (But Don't)

Thank you for your presence. I am so excited to continue this journey with you!

In gratitude, Tian.

Tian Philson Leadership, Wellness & Mindset Coach | Creator of the VOICCE℠ Decision Making & Empowerment Framework |Helping leaders go inward so they can go upward.