.png)
Creating Space … To Hear Your Own Voice
- Tian Philson
- 5 days ago
- 3 min read
Leading With VOICCE® Series.
Why does advocating for myself feel uncomfortable when I do it for everyone else so easily?
This question quietly nagged at me for years. It was most pressing for me in the workplace, and particularly when I had my own direct reports. It often felt effortless, aligned, and even necessary to stand up, speak up, and represent their needs as best as I could. But for some reason, when I needed to do the same for myself, I could barely even voice what my own needs were. I knew I needed support, but what am I actually asking for? I knew I deserved recognition, but I struggled to articulate it.
I've since learned that I am not alone in having experienced this. In fact, many high-performing women have a hard time advocating for themselves despite being very adept at advocating for others. It's certainly not an issue of commitment. If anything, we commit too deeply. We show up. We deliver. We are honored to fulfill our responsibilities.
But here's the real challenge - somewhere along the way, we embody a powerful belief -
If everyone else is taken care of, then I am doing my job well.
The belief is not necessarily the issue. The belief is noble. It reflects our strength, our commitment, and our resolve. The issue is that the patterns and behaviors that are often attached to this belief can pull us further and further away from ourselves. From the connection to our own voice.
Choosing yourself as a leader isn't about becoming selfish. It's not an abandonment of responsibility. It's about learning to attune to, then trust your own voice enough to let it guide your decisions.
For a long time, I graded my own leadership based on how present I was for my team. I felt that as long as I made myself available, responsive, and dependable - no matter the cost - then I was a good leader. What I didn't realize at the time is that I wasn't practicing a vital leadership trait: DISCERNMENT.
Discernment is the ability to pause long enough to assess what is truly needed in a moment.
Instead of reacting from habit or expectation, discernment invites us to step back, consider the full picture, and trust our own judgement. Without recognizing it, I was operating on autopilot, guided by one prevailing definition of what leadership should look like.
I wasn't allowing myself to pause and assess the situation, and bring my own wise voice into the conversation.
This is where alignment to values was key, and boundaries began to matter. Boundaries teach us how to hold responsibility in quiet partnership with discernment. Boundaries invite us to pause and ask:
"What is actually mine to carry here?"
Last week, we talked about quiet stories that undermine our leadership confidence. This week, we create space for boundaries to emerge and support our journey.
Here's one important consideration around boundaries. Setting clear and healthy boundaries is not a directive for others. It's a clear guideline for ourselves - for how we will choose to respond in a given situation.
Here is a simple three-step process you can use the next time you are faced with a challenging moment, and your instincts suggest it may be time to choose yourself as a leader:
Practice the Pause - slowing down to breathe in a challenging moment helps resist the fight or flight nervous system response. Fight or flight is what leads to operating on auto-pilot.
Challenge with Grace - Start by noticing what the inner talk track is saying. Are those statements valid, or do they reflect habit or expectation?
Proceed with Integrity - What response most aligns with your inner truth? You may simply need to ask a clarifying question or request more time to fully consider the situation. Or the answer may be very clear.
I dove deeper into boundaries as a leadership strategy in a previous article. Feel free to check that out. As we move throughout this month, I'll continue to explore what it feels like to shift and respond from a place of intention. In the meantime. here is a question worth sitting with:
Where in your life are you being invited to choose yourself?
Also consider - what becomes possible when you do?
Interested in diving deeper? I’ll be holding space for this kind of reflection in the upcoming Creating Space Live gathering. Tuesday, March 31 - Release. Recenter. Recommit
Thank you for your presence. I am so excited to continue this journey of Leading with VOICCE® with you!
With gratitude, Tian.
Tian Philson Leadership, Wellness & Mindset Coach | Creator of the VOICCE® Decision Making & Empowerment Framework | Helping leaders go inward so they can go upward.
Comments