Creating Space… For Excellence Without Exhaustion

Leading With VOICCE® Series.

I was a single, working mom for basically the first 18 years of my own adult life. I didn't think there was an alternative to exhaustion, until I learned these three habits...

My children are, hands down, the absolute best thing to ever happen to me. They have been my driving force, my motivation, and my inspiration. No matter how hard things got, and how many hard lessons I had to learn along the way, I wouldn't trade our journey for anything in the world. But the combination of ambition, motherhood, and career was a perfect recipe for exhaustion. As I look back, here are a few things I'd do differently. Hint - they all start with going inward. 

#1 Ask: Am I striving for excellence, or perfection?

I've always been an incredibly ambitious human. I remember comparing my own coloring pages to those of my classmates - some things are just innate in us. That said, at some point, I developed one gear on the path for excellence - full throttle, and my gauge for measuring "enough" was broken. In college, I pushed myself to exceed my own expectations, which I'd already set high above anyone else's, and then discounted those accomplishments, because in my mind, if I hit them, they must not have been challenging enough. 

This pattern continued into career, motherhood, relationships, everywhere. Over time, I learned to acknowledge my own push for perfection and to reframe my goals into tangible measurements of excellence. Beyond that, I learned to ask myself, "Did I give it my absolute best?" I learned to say "good enough" and actually mean it.

#2 Consider: What's the story I'm telling myself in this moment?

I put a lot of pressure on myself as a mother. I didn't know it at the time, but I was dealing with my own childhood stuff. Beyond that, our family experienced tragedy early on, and I felt it was my duty as a mother to make up for any shortcomings my children would experience as a result. There were so many unhelpful narratives playing out in my mind. 

• "If you were a great mother, you would..."

• "If you want your children to have the best lives possible, you need to..."

• "Your worth is dependent on..."

Internal narratives are tricky. These thoughts rarely surface in your conscious awareness. Instead, they play out in your subconscious and dictate feelings and behaviors you can barely articulate. In my case, these stories emerged as:

• sudden tears as a result of pressure that overwhelmed my spirit

• burning the candle at both ends, chasing impossible goals

• hyper-criticism of everything I did personally and professionally, heedless of intention or effort.

I struggled to ask for help - it didn't fit the narrative I'd built. Or, if I did receive help, I carried guilt for not being able to handle it all on my own. The weight of these stories was heavy. No wonder I was exhausted. 

Over time, I've learned that leaning into my limitations as a human is not only necessary, it's a beautiful acknowledgment that I am only human. I am not a machine, and no one benefits from my pretending to be. 

I've since learned that if I truly want to challenge these unhelpful stories, I have to learn to pause - to tap in just a little bit deeper, and to ask questions like

• "Where is this coming from?"

• "Whose voice is this?"

• "Is this fact, or is this feeling?"

You'd be shocked at what you can surface from simply exploring your own inner landscape.

#3 Reflect: What do I need in this moment?

My personal yoga practice became one of the most powerful catalysts for my transformation.

Not because it changed my circumstances overnight, but because it taught me how to slow down long enough to actually hear myself.

Before that, I didn’t have a practice of pausing. Of tuning in. Of asking what was really going on beneath the surface. I either didn't think pausing was an option, or it simply never occurred to me. I was too busy trying to keep up with the pace of life. 

Yoga became my entry point. I know there are many paths to this kind of awareness - faith, reflection, stillness - but for me, this was the doorway.

And once I walked through it, everything began to shift.

Going inward taught me something no leadership course, self-help book, or TED Talk ever could:

How to listen to myself. Not the noise. Not the expectations. Not the pressure. Myself. Period.

It taught me how to discern what was actually mine to carry… and what wasn’t. I learned how to connect what was happening in my external world with what I truly valued internally. Over time, that became my compass. Once my truth became apparent to me, I could navigate external noise with so much more clarity.

We often think strong leadership means pushing through pressure, navigating uncertainty, and holding it all together.

While that’s part of it, sustainable leadership requires something quieter.

It requires the ability to pause. To check in. To ask:

What do I need in this moment?

When you don’t ask that question, you default to habit. To pressure. To expectation.

When you do ask it - consistently - you begin to lead differently.

With more clarity. More intention. And more trust in yourself.

For years, I thought exhaustion was just part of the equation. The cost of ambition. The cost of motherhood. The cost of wanting more. Now I see it differently. Not everything I was carrying was mine to hold.

Learning to go inward didn’t take anything away from my leadership - it made it stronger, more grounded, and more sustainable. I believe I am a better mother, partner, leader, and member of society. I am more present.

So I’ll leave you with this:

What becomes possible if you gave yourself permission to pause… and actually listen? How might your energy shift?

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Thank you for your presence. I am so excited to continue this journey of Leading with VOICCE® with you!

With gratitude, Tian.

Tian Philson Leadership, Wellness & Mindset Coach | Creator of the VOICCE® Decision Making & Empowerment Framework | Helping leaders go inward so they can go upward.