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Creating Space… To Lead With Awareness of What Others Carry
- Tian Philson
- May 5
- 3 min read
Leading With VOICCE® Series.
Do you know what it feels like to feel as though your mind has taken on a life all its own? Like it is calling the shots, and you are having an out-of-body experience watching it from an outsider's perspective, wishing you could regain some semblance of control? You can feel the thoughts racing, yet you can't regain control of the wheel.
I do.
It feels overwhelming at best, and downright crippling at worst. My biggest challenge with the form of anxiety I experienced was rumination. Imagine running the same thought on repeat, dozens of times in the matter of a few minutes, hundreds of times in an hour. My thoughts would often race about things completely outside my control, yet I was completely fixated on trying to direct or change the outcome.
Few people knew the struggles I was facing with anxiety throughout most of my corporate career. Although I don't feel ashamed, I never wanted to feel judged or discriminated against for the things I was struggling with mentally.
This month, each of my posts will be dedicated to some aspect of mental health. Even if you don't know what this feels like directly, there's a good chance that someone you work with, or care for deeply, does. More than 1 in 5 adults in the US (23.4%) have experienced a mental illness. For more information and additional resources, please visit Nami.org, or share the information with someone you care about.
Creating Space … For Neutral Emotions
Photo by Ivan Dostal on Unsplash
I’m fine. In this very moment, I’m surveying my emotional self; I’m checking in and asking myself, “How are you doing right now?” And the answer is, “I’m fine.” There was a time when that response would’ve left me pondering what was missing. Where was the joy, the excitement, the “zest” for life??? But the reality is, although those things do exist, they are likely not present every single minute of the day, or every single day, even.
And “I’m fine” is just fine.
I am a huge fan of Cory Muscara’s teachings around mindfulness and mental well-being. I subscribe to his texts, and not long ago I received this message.
“Be mindful of the neutral moments. They may not feel like much, but they represent the absence of pain, struggle, and confusion.”
— Cory Muscara
I mean, wow. Yes. I may not be in a space of eternal bliss, or so delighted that I want to do a cartwheel, but I AM FINE. Which means in this moment I’m not in pain, or maybe I am, but I’ve also found a sense of coping and neutrality that says, my feelings are neutral, and I’m ok.
I’m not suggesting there is no struggle, but what I’m exploring here is the emotional response in that moment. Because I know what it feels like to not be fine, we all do. We know what it feels like to be in a state of despair or hopelessness, or to be enraged or sorrowful. And yes, we have to create space to observe, explore, and tend to those feelings too. But alongside all of that, feeling fine is just fine, if you ask me.
As a high achiever, I believe there is a certain emotional boost that comes from striving for the next goal, crossing the next thing off the list, or receiving the accolades for a job well done. But what if we miss the mark? What happens if no one notices the hard work? What if we are simply moving forward, in the midst of the work, and it feels as though there's no specific achievement to celebrate? This is where I believe embracing neutral emotions can be especially powerful for highly ambitious leaders.
For some, it can be akin to stepping into a liminal space. But what if within that liminal space there is simply an opportunity to observe, to be curious, and to practice presence? What if being fine is just fine?
Here’s to celebrating the absence of pain and struggle, and giving mindful acknowledgment as those moments present themselves. Wishing you all the best in your leadership and wellness journey.
May is Mental Health Awareness month.
Check in with yourself.
Check in with the people you care about.
With gratitude, Tian.
Tian Philson Leadership, Wellness & Mindset Coach | Creator of the VOICCE® Decision Making & Empowerment Framework | Helping leaders go inward so they can go upward.
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